March 2012
1 tag
I hope Rick Santorum's child's school counselor...
1 tag
I hope Rick Santorum buys Daniel Craig a motorcycle jacket only to see him cavorting with his boss and speeds off on his motorcycle.
1 tag
2 tags
I Hope Rick Santorum Gets A New Hairstyle From...
1 tag
I Hope Rick Santorum Continuously Clicks On Links...
1 tag
I Hope Rick Santorum Goes To Have Sexytime Only To...
thegirlwiththefinchertattoo:
I hope Rick Santorum confuses his green mint toothpaste with wasabi.
I hope Rick Santorum complains about it, but the person listening doesn’t acknowledge the problem but just points out that it’s really not wasabi, just dyed green horseradish.
1 tag
I Hope Rick Santorum Has A Rat Die In His Shower...
I Hope Rick Santorum Takes Alli
…and is horrified by what his poop looks like.
I hope Rick Santorum buys Doritos from the vending...
I hope Rick Santorum ends this quest by losing an appendage to the machine.
2 tags
I Hope Rick Santorum Never Finds Out Who Killed...
1 tag
I Hope Rick Santorum Always Feels Like A Ballsack...
…can I play?
February 2012
Deep Thoughts
I’m the last scheduled person for their annual review. I wonder what they’d do if I busted out singing Vanessa Williams’s “Save The Best For Last.”
See What I'm Doing Here?
There are no words for the fact that The Artist is nominated for Best Original Screenplay.
PLEASE HELP I can’t for the life of me...
True Facts
Formerly Fiercely Real Pregnant Former Roommate sent me this long-ass text message about how she saw her ex-boyfriend at a bus stop and “OH GOD” how awkward.
I replied, “at least he’s not dead.”
Having your first love die really alleviates you from ever having to give a shit when your friends bitch about their exes.
True Facts
Valentine’s Day, a.k.a. Time To Throw Out Your Halloween Candy Day.
Great Minds Thinking Alike
alpha-lima-lima replied to your post:
It’s going to be the latest nail polish trend, wait and see.
tehblackbirdisincognito replied to your post: Just tell people you’re starting a new nail polish trend.
Because People Don't Say It Enough
I really miss Hortense on Jezebel. Not only on weekends, but in general. It seemed like a safer place.
#DrunkHonestThoughts
I Forgot
How much I dislike Formerly Pregnant Fiercely Real Roommate’s mother.
GO.AWAY.
Shitty Husband is coming to stay the day Mommy Dearest leaves.
This is my life…
Anonymous asked: If you were a drag queen what would you lipsync to?
IM JUS SAYUN
The hairdresser on this season of The Bachelor is clearly not a union worker.
Instead of roses they should hand out brushes.
CurtCole’s Home For Fiercely Real Pregnant Ladies...
Will sadly be closing its doors. The grounds will be stripped to the studs and replaced with brightly colored plastic decor to give it the ambiance and comfort of a fast-food establishment. All future visits to the dwelling formerly known as CurtCole’s Home For Fiercely Real Pregnant Ladies and Wayward Husband will need prior written approval by the Board of Badassery and any applications...
Bey-Beh Boy
Pregnant Former Roommate is no longer pregnant or a roommate. Today she birthed a 9 pound baby boy of awesome and my life will go back to normal, in other words, there will be an uptick in bad puns and dick jokes on the internet.
Wow, I really want to go out and buy a Fiat now
feelinghellastabby:
Word.
WatchHave I mentioned how happy I am to have my house back to myself?
(Play with sound.)
Away We Go
mxandb replied to your post: Freedom, Let it RING!
CONGRATULATIONS! Saunter away! (where is pregnant roommate going?)
She’s having the baby in Arlington, then going to live with her parents during her maternity leave, Shitty Husband is going too. My time to be a jerk on the internet has seriously been expanded!
Freedom, Let it RING!
Pregnant Roommate is still pregnant, but no longer a roommate. They’re inducing tomorrow. Now it’s time to saunter around the house naked!
1 tag
This Is The Face Of Pregnancy
Just caught Pregnant Roommate scowling and eating Graham Crackers & apple sauce on the edge of the couch with one pant leg pushed up like L L Cool J.
