December 2011
Kindle (light my) Fire
So, my aunt got me a Kindle Fire for Christmas, which I am posting this from. For under $200 this thing isn’t half bad and was an incredibly generous gift. I’ll probably still use my old Kindle to read books on though.
ETA: I keep tying to operate it like an Apple product.
biabumbblebee asked: merry christmas :') xx
I Was Assigned Tonight's Meal
I guess they don’t trust me on any of the major meals. I’ve made caramelized butternut squash. I’ll also be making roasted asparagus, rolls and pan-seared New York strip steaks, cooked to order, because I’m not a total bitch I have no clue what to make for dessert.
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ailatansmindpalace asked: My darling, I didn't send any cards this year but I still wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you during this holiday season and I'm wishing you and yours the very best for next year. Lots of love, Ailatan.
True Facts
I’m not sure how Madonna’s “Holiday” ended up on my Christmas playlist, but I never hit skip.
BREAKING THE LAW
Another trip to West Texas, another speeding warning. I never get tickets. Cops must love me more than doughnuts and justice. “Do you know why I pulled you over, sir?”
For the pleasure of my company, obviously.
Hey-YO!
My Christmas break has begun, lock up your gingerbread men!
Petty But True
Am I the only one who wanted Kim Jong Il to be ill for a while, if only for the endless reconfiguration of puns?
Anonymous asked: I wanna be your mom.
“Goddamn, Janelle, that was my change jar!”
– -Teen Mom 2
This show really is high art.
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Anonymous asked: Why do you call Pro-Life people, "Anti-Choice"?
Did I Miss Something?
Anti-Choice people are giving up stuff until abortion ends? Well their compassion was gone long ago, so we know it’s not that.
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YAY!
My uncle’s team is playing in the 3A State Championship next Saturday at Cowboys Stadium! The whole family is coming down to see the game! FUN! I’m going to have to google this thing they call “football” that I wiped from my memory after Middle School.
My Boring So-Called Life
I’m the owner of a working dryer! It only cost me 500 dollars to fix it! Right before Christmas! Everyone’s getting lumps of COLE.
Gas Dryer Have No Heating Element. I Put Cigarette...
After two separate visits and three hours of “diagnostics” the technicians finally believe that my dryer doesn’t work and needs to be fixed. They did the Russian Natasha/Boris laugh once they finally figured out that I’m not crazy. Can’t wait for the bill.
Exchange That Just Happened
Me: I think it's the heating element that's out.
Appliance Repair Man: (in thick Russian accent) Gas dryer have no heating element, who told you of this heating element?
Me: Um, I just guessed that's what was wrong.
Appliance Repair Man: Are you technician?
Me: No.
Appliance Repair Man: (Natasha & Boris laughing) Then you should not talk about items you do not understand!
What a shithook.
Unbreak My Farts
No more meals of nothing but red beans & rice, unless I plan on having a Robo-Butthole installed and commit to a life of having no friends. #Dying
We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place
I’m having one of those run off into the forest and live like Jodie Foster in “Nell” days.
#TayInDaWin
#DonaKayChickapey
nounsandbooks asked: "Human beings have a demonstrated talent for self-deception when their emotions are stirred." - Carl Sagan
