January 2010
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curliestofcrowns:
once someone told me i look like anne hathaway but i think it was a lie. also, sometimes BFF tells me i have keira knightly lips but i am pretty sure that is a lie too.
I told someone once that I thought they had a mouth similar to Keira Knightly and they glared at me and said, “What, are you saying I leave my mouth open all the time?” I try not to comment on...
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I’ve been really cantankerous lately. If I start drafting letters to the editor please stop me.
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Won't...You Be...My (Annoying) Neighbor
My neighbor is really into Bollywood movies and possibly hard of hearing (or will be in the near future).
iWet
The ipad will never replace the newspaper, as its functionality as a make-shift umbrellas is non-existent.
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Thunderstorm, just in time for rush hour. DALLAS, FUCK YEAH!
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Stupid Questions
I was talking with a group of co-workers about relationships at lunch and I actually had someone ask me, “So, what’s the gay angle?” My first knee-jerk reaction was to think, “I don’t know, I better caucus my people and get back to you” or “I can’t speak for everyone by mine is angled ever so slightly up.” I ended up just telling her what I...
When I first read about Salinger I went to the window of my office and saw that it had just started to rain. I like coincidences like that, even though I know deep down that they’re just coincidences.
All I know is I’m losing my mind,” Franny said. ”I’m just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else’s. I’m sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting. It’s disgusting – it is, it is. I don’t care what anybody says.
J. D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey
Franny and Zooey is my favorite book
orangutanne:
RIP JD Salinger
Me too. I’m planning on reading it in a warm bath tonight to honor him.
rrrrriiiiiipppppp!
I just blew the crotch out of my dress pants. BULBOUS BALLS 4EVUH!
I know it makes me a bad American, but I’m kind of glad I sat out this State of the Union.
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Ted Haggart Cured! Also, Gains Super Powers →
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Oh, Holy Fuck! Ex-NBA player rips Haiti, compares... →
Sorry, ladies, but gay men have no interest in... →
yosamanthrax:
(via ramou)
shit.
I disagree with half of the rules set out in this pissy little diatribe. Come to our clubs and talk about whatever you want to, that’s what friends do.
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Why is it always the people from Texas on the Biggest Loser that are the biggest assholes?
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I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, “Harlan Pepper, if you don’t stop naming nuts,” and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that’s what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she’d just start yelling. I’d say, “Peanut....
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I just got out of a meeting and my sixty-seven-year-old coworker said, “you rocked the shit out of that.” I think she’s adopting some my speech patterns.
Laziness is watching a Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher movie because you are too lazy to reach for the remote that fell under the couch.
Slothfulness is sitting through the credits…
“Goggles: I’m watching this awesome video about the Austrian and Keynesian...”
– my life (via morninggloria)
I dated someone who called it PMS once…I bet you can guess why the relationship didn’t last that long.
Jezebored
When jezebel gets boring, I’m always tempted to just talk about Jon Hamm in the comments. He fits into just about anything (that’s what she said.)
ctrain:
Okay. This “HELP AMERICA FIRST!” shit that’s going around has got. to. stop. I’ve only had the pleasure of reading such status updates on Tumblr and by spying on some chick I went to h.s. with who defriended me a few months ago for calling her out on her Facebook stupidity.
One common complaint in these statuses is that America has homeless people / sick people / jobless people, etc....
Lost In Translation
Sex with people who’s primary language is not your language can be fun. It can also be very confusing. About two and a half years ago I had a brief summer fling with an intern at a Big Oil Company who was half-Vietnamese half-Korean (Corvette?) and was born and raised in Russia. So, the fact that he spoke English at all fascinated my English-only brain. But, later as we were in the throws...
My Mind Works in Weird Ways
I lost my virginity to a guy with the last name of Hamm (pronounced “ham” although some people say haawwmm), which wasn’t all that great. Ever since, I haven’t been able to eat ham without thinking about sex.
mug shots in the news!
morninggloria:
I feel like there are some crazypants backstories behind both of these pictures.
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/01/7-charged-in-aurora-prostitution-sting.html
There is some serious eyebrow maintenance going on here. Do they have a botox for blowjobs exchange program?
Showed up by a hot dog hat. →
(via wellofcromulence)
I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow your comments until you love me, Papa-papayahtzii!
Come over to my house, to my-yiy house...
On some days I fear I am becoming more and more like Jodie Foster in Nell, not because I have a dead twin or engage in tay-yay-in-da-win speak, but because I just don’t care to get out of the house lately, outside of work. Although, I’m glad I have regular visitors, because otherwise I would feel absolutely no motivation to clean. I blame the shorter days for my ho-hum stay at home...